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The Mars
Return and the Terrible Two's by Sherrynne Dalby |
Most people have heard of the "terrible two's", it is regarded as one of the first of the major stages that mark the 'ages of childhood'.
For most children, this time coincides with the return of the planet Mars to the exact zodiacal position it was at the time of birth. This is called the Mars return.
This return occurs approximately every 22 months, but the first one is generally the most significant, as it is the first. Mars is the planet of aggression, assertion and anger, it gives us drive and desire to move forward. When Mars returns to it's natal position for the first time, it can trigger off 'Martian' behaviour in your little one. That placid little baby you had, suddenly begins to throw 'temper tantrums', the little hands become firmly planted on the hips and the foot begins to stomp, while the favourite word is "NO".
It is important, as parents, to understand why these changes are taking place in your child. This is the first major step, of many, in the quest for ultimate independence. How you handle your child's first attempts will greatly influence how they will attempt independence in the future.
Why is it that a seemingly placid and almost angelic child can suddenly become a raging bull? The child who was always very co-operative, instead challenges every request?
Behavioural changes can occur with children at any age and for a variety of reasons, however, the first time this is likely to occur on a grand scale is at the time of the 'mars return'.
The first Mars return becomes a major focus of energy for some children, particularly those who have a strong Mars in the natal chart.
When Mars makes it's first return to the Natal position, by transit, it has completed it's first full cycle of the chart. During this time it has made every aspect possible to every planet and point in the chart. The return thus marks the beginning of a new cycle.
Mars, in the chart represents our ability to assert ourselves; it is our drive and momentum in life. When it begins the second journey through the chart, there is already a point of reference and therefore the child feels more confident now in making demands and being more assertive, and in some children even aggressive. Mars represents our competitive spirit as well and is an important factor in our physical and sporting ability. Children also generally become more coordinated and better at gross motor activities at this time.
If a child is particularly active and difficult during this stage, an introduction to some form of organised physical activity would be a good way to burn off the excess energy and introduce some discipline in the use of the more assertive/aggressive behaviour. Activities such as kindy gym, swimming lessons and dance would be positive outlets for the energy.
Counter active measures can also be sued to help calm and soothe the young child, who can be just as frightened by his or her outbursts as the parents. Chamomile tea is a gentle herb that helps to calm and relax and is safe for young children and babies. A cup mixed half and half with milk makes a soothing bed time drink, Lavender oil is also useful during this time and can be used in an oil burner, a few drops in the bath or on the pillow at bedtime. It can also be used diluted in a carrier oil and used as a massage oil. [Carrier oils are mild oils such as almond, olive, apricot kernel, even baby oil into which a few drops of the essential oil is mixed- pure essential oils should never be used undiluted on tender young skin]
The child at this stage needs to feel comfortable with expressing needs and desires but also needs to learn what is an appropriate expression. It is very important that the child knows his needs are being heard and acknowledged. It is also essential that the child learn to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate ways, times and places for this expression.
Children who are handled well at this stage of development are more likely to become better at expressing themselves, and be more self reliant. While those who feel they are ignored or that aggression is the best way to get the attention they seek are receiving negative, rather than positive reinforcement. This is the age at which school bullies are created. It is also the age where the wimp is created. This applies to both boys and girls.
This can be a very confronting time for the parent, particularly if they themselves did not receive the appropriate recognition at this stage in their own development. How do you react to your small child's tantrums and demands? Do you feel threatened, angry or throw your hands up and give in??? None of these is a good response and now may be a good time for you to address your own issues with regard to assertiveness. How do you handle stressful situations yourself? Are you able to maintain your perspective and work through the situation calmly and rationally or do you become the aggressor or the wimp? Your own response can indicate how you were treated at this age and also give you a clearer understanding of how to respond to your own child's needs.
Sherrynne Dalby hosts Heaven's Child an astrology web site specialising in children and babies. For more articles on Parenting visit Heaven's Child
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